Well what a crazy past couple of months that I have been
on. Let me just say it has not been
easy, but the Lord has sustained me and my faith is unwavering in the blessing
he one day will provide for my husband and I.
Since I last journaled we have gone thru a failed IUI procedure and a
lot of emotions surfaced once again. If
you ever have or ever known someone going thru this process of medical
procedures to help aid in a pregnancy it is a very draining process. You go in knowing that it is a 50/50 shot
that you will become pregnant and you give it your best shot but for the most
part you are hopeful and you pray this will be the time, this will be my
miracle. Well I went thru those long
couple of weeks with that hope and throughout those couple of weeks I prayed
and the Lord revealed scripture of hope/miracles, etc. and I was also in a lot
of pain and I thought well this is it.
After my two week wait came the day of reckoning the day I find out the
results to be negative and I was crushed.
I questioned the Lord leading me on to believe a lie? I asked him why he
has forsaken me? I asked what have I done to deserve this? All the typical
questions, then I got an email that day from an infertility support chain and
it was talking about the Lord’s timing for your children how the Lord has
ordained my children to play a special role in this world for a special time
and how if it was too soon or too late his will would not be done. Then I was like wow! I don’t know the Lord’s plan for my children,
but he does. The writer of email was
talking about how if John the Baptist was born in Sarah’s youth how he couldn’t
present the Messiah the way he did. I am
not claiming my children will present the Messiah but it puts things of God’s
timing in perspective. I say this to
tell you friends that don’t give up on the Lord if now is not “His Time”, by
the way I am speaking to myself when I say these things, but keep the faith
that you haven’t done anything wrong or he doesn’t love you less because your
answer is not now. Would I be the same
person if I didn’t have gone thru this NO?
I have such a heart for hurting women that are going thru this and I
hope my testimony of not giving up will encourage them to keep trusting in the
Lord always. I don’t know what I would
do if I didn’t have my Lord, Jesus comforting me, using others to speak verbal
words that were ordained by him just when I needed it.
My yes may not be today or tomorrow but it will be one
day and I will rejoice in the miracle the Lord will bestow on my family. I hope my children will know they are special
to my husband and I and more importantly the Lord cause the devil sure wanted
to discourage us when the world said it’s not possible.
I am going to praise him now for what is ahead.
-AMEN-
