Believing in the YES thru the NO's

Well what a crazy past couple of months that I have been on.  Let me just say it has not been easy, but the Lord has sustained me and my faith is unwavering in the blessing he one day will provide for my husband and I.  Since I last journaled we have gone thru a failed IUI procedure and a lot of emotions surfaced once again.  If you ever have or ever known someone going thru this process of medical procedures to help aid in a pregnancy it is a very draining process.  You go in knowing that it is a 50/50 shot that you will become pregnant and you give it your best shot but for the most part you are hopeful and you pray this will be the time, this will be my miracle.  Well I went thru those long couple of weeks with that hope and throughout those couple of weeks I prayed and the Lord revealed scripture of hope/miracles, etc. and I was also in a lot of pain and I thought well this is it.  After my two week wait came the day of reckoning the day I find out the results to be negative and I was crushed.  I questioned the Lord leading me on to believe a lie? I asked him why he has forsaken me? I asked what have I done to deserve this? All the typical questions, then I got an email that day from an infertility support chain and it was talking about the Lord’s timing for your children how the Lord has ordained my children to play a special role in this world for a special time and how if it was too soon or too late his will would not be done.  Then I was like wow!  I don’t know the Lord’s plan for my children, but he does.  The writer of email was talking about how if John the Baptist was born in Sarah’s youth how he couldn’t present the Messiah the way he did.  I am not claiming my children will present the Messiah but it puts things of God’s timing in perspective.  I say this to tell you friends that don’t give up on the Lord if now is not “His Time”, by the way I am speaking to myself when I say these things, but keep the faith that you haven’t done anything wrong or he doesn’t love you less because your answer is not now.  Would I be the same person if I didn’t have gone thru this NO?  I have such a heart for hurting women that are going thru this and I hope my testimony of not giving up will encourage them to keep trusting in the Lord always.  I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have my Lord, Jesus comforting me, using others to speak verbal words that were ordained by him just when I needed it. 

My yes may not be today or tomorrow but it will be one day and I will rejoice in the miracle the Lord will bestow on my family.  I hope my children will know they are special to my husband and I and more importantly the Lord cause the devil sure wanted to discourage us when the world said it’s not possible. 

I am going to praise him now for what is ahead.

-AMEN-